Growing Minds Together
Isra Altayar, from IA Coaching, strongly believes that helping children to build emotional resilience from a very young age and equipping them with useful tools to do that can hugely reduce the chances of them living through mental health problems later in life.
Isra’s 10 tips on how to build children’s emotional resilience
- 1. Listen to your children.
- Take true interest in them when they talk. Children ‘learn’ that their parents are listening. If you don’t listen to a very young child, the child will not talk when they grow because they have learnt that you are not a listener.
- 2. Do not make judgements.
- Part of listening is not assigning judgement to what is said. When you do that you need to realise that you have actually stopped listening!
- 3. Be there to guide and teach your kids.
- Trying to solve issues for them will not teach them how to solve their own problems. And yes part of that is ‘failing’ sometimes. It’s all about encouraging them to try again and learn from previous experience.
- 4. Don’t pretend to be perfect.
- Kids will usually see their parents as role models when they are young. As they grow they begin to find faults in us just as we find in them. Show them you are willing to admit to your wrongdoings and that you are willing to change in order to develop!
- 5. Keep up with the modern world.
- Life is changing fast, but in order to understand your children properly, you need to know and understand what they are being exposed to. Rather than saying no to social media or allowing it freely, limit it and teach them the value of a ‘real social life’ away from the screens.
- 6. Be vigilant and mindful of your child’s emotional state.
- When your instincts tell you something is wrong, seek to investigate that. Look out for bullying, be it physical or emotional, both in person and online. Watch out for any mental health issues that crop up or even tendencies (especially if they have a genetic basis) and show your child that they can get the help they need. There is nothing embarrassing about seeking help and talking to someone professional. Prevention is always better than cure and early intervention is always easier than late involvement.
- 7. Encourage your children to show their emotions.
- When parents say to their children ‘don’t cry’, ‘you shouldn’t feel sad’, ‘you shouldn’t get angry’, they are telling them these feelings are wrong and shouldn’t be there, rather than teaching them that these are natural, purposeful feelings and help them learn strategies to deal with these emotions.
Being understanding and supportive parents means your children are more likely to turn to you when they are struggling rather than suppress these emotions or release them in a negative way.
- 8. Nurture optimism.
- However much you tell your children to be positive, if you are a negative parent, you are teaching them to be negative both consciously and subconsciously.
Optimism doesn’t mean dismissing what the child is feeling, but rather acknowledging it whilst at the same time showing them the other side of the coin. This way you are reframing their mind to the advantages or opportunity a challenge has brought about. This builds up true resilience.
- 9. Encourage children to experiment in order to find their interest and passion.
- This journey may be long and requires patience, but you will be building a strong individual who will be dedicated to their field.
- 10. Go easy on yourself.
- Taking care of your own wellbeing means you are more able to take care of the wellbeing of your children. You are more likely to raise relaxed, happy kids when you are relaxed and happy yourself.
Isra has experience coaching people on building a strong growth mindset, increased confidence, personal and professional development and can be contacted online or by phone: 07917333431
