When One Becomes Two
New Year’s Eve 2021 isn’t one I will forget in a hurry. 10 days overdue, recovering from a nasty bout of pneumonia which left me with bruised ribs, and feeling like an elephant, we had a hospital appointment earlier that morning where the nurse told me I was extremely close and claimed: “My sweeps always work”. A few hours later and trying in grim determination to mark the New Year with a bottle of ‘Nosecco’, something began to rumble. It dawned on us that we were about to have a New Year’s Dayby.
Unlike my first labour which was a 3 day affair, number two was in more of a hurry and, less than 8 hours later, we welcomed our new baby boy, Eric, in a giant bath at Wythenshawe hospital. My husband, who literally had to hold me up by my arms to keep me afloat whilst sampling the gas and air, immediately collapsed and fell asleep in a chair. Once we were checked over, we were discharged and off to meet Saffy, the big sister, who we had left in the care of her grandparents. She was apparently totally unbothered to find grandpa in our bed and didn’t ask where we were once.
It was time for Round 2 and so began about 5 months of confusion, poop, and sleep deprivation. It was like Groundhog Day except with more Covid, which we all got in Week 10.
Given that I had outlined my concerns about going from one to two in a previous M&D article I thought I would revisit it and see whether my concerns were valid.
1) Breastfeeding.
I had definitely forgotten how hard and painful that initial latch can be, but luckily we somehow managed it. Now Eric’s all night marathon feeding sessions are joined by his two teeth, with others pushing through already
And causing him distraction; so bonjela is now the name of the game.
2) Divided attention.
One of the hardest things in the first few weeks is the pretence that nothing has changed and you can still be there 100% for your older child. Letting go of this and reminding myself that she will survive (as will I) was helpful and, now we are back in a more normal routine, I try to spend quality time with Saffy when I can – usually if Eric is asleep or my husband is home. Luckily for us, she rather likes her little brother.
3) Leaving the house.
Now a marathon event. In the early weeks Eric hated the car, and had no problem letting us know, so that made car journeys extremely stressful. But we just had to grit our teeth. Noise cancelling headphones worked a treat for Saffy.
4) The extreme tiredness.
Eric was not a good sleeper. We had months of hourly wake ups and he would only contact nap or nap in the pram, and even that required significant effort. But at some point it passed and now 3 wake ups a night feels like an achievement. He also naps in his cot now which is a dream. But we managed this early phase somehow: Peter in the spare room, often co-sleeping with Saffy who clearly needed stability with all the changes.
With Peter getting a bit more sleep at night, he’s able to take the kids most mornings to give me a ‘top up’ hour or so which sets me up for the day. And coffee. We now have a good coffee machine and milk frother, which I am rather attached to.
I assumed that being a second-time mum meant I wouldn’t stress so much over feeding, naps, and bumps on the head, but I suppose being a worrier by personality hasn’t let me get away so easily. However, there are certain things we are more relaxed about; we don’t change nappies nearly as often, we’re faster with the Calpol if he’s teething (before bedtime, instead of struggling at 11pm), we don’t even bother predicting when he might sleep through (a myth) and we co-sleep whenever possible. He’s 7 months old now and we still haven’t quite got around to trying him in his own room yet. No rush.
Top tips for going from a 1 child to 2 children family
1) You will need a good sling/baby carrier. It means you’re hands-free to look after the older one, tie shoes, make breakfast, and drink coffee all while baby takes a nap. It was a life saver during Eric’s fussy evening phase (weeks 4 to 18!)
2) No need to buy a lot of new toys. He gets plenty of entertainment watching Saffy and her friends when they come and play. The flipside is he is desperate to join in and has already started crawling at 7 months.
3) Do not to feel guilty about asking for help if you have it available.
4) Sleep whenever you can, wherever you can, however you can.
5) Weaning schmeaning. Start the second one on a steady flow of baby crisps rice cakes and cucumber and plan to get him eating the same as your older one in as fast a time as possible. Not many homemade baby foods or baby muffins being made this time.
Fantastic read!