Round two: Here we go again
We first learned Peter Matthews’ thoughts on imminent parenthood, and shared in his delights and problems as they (and the baby!) came along. He told our readers about the day he found out that he was going to be a dad and about the day when his daughter was born, about their first Christmas as a family and Saffy’s first day at nursery, about their lockdown experience and house-moving exhaustion.
Now, more than two years on, this family is getting ready to start the journey all over again. And we asked Beth Saffer-Matthews to share her take on it.
One rainy morning, as Saffy prepared to turn two years old, and Peter and I tried to work out how to pull off a socially-distanced Ghostbusters themed party in our soggy garden, the smiley face on a stick gave me some news: Pregnant: 3-4 weeks (I had paid for a fancy one). Gulp.
We’d just moved house, Saffy was finally sleeping through the night, she was finally off the breast and delighting us all with her growing vocabulary and emerging personality. Just as the waves had finally calmed around our dinghy, another storm was a-brewing on the horizon!
Telling friends and family the news was very different this time around. No big social-media announcement or gender reveal fire, causing £8m worth of damage to the New Forest. We mainly told people as and when we saw them.
I was convinced I was showing sooner, and clearly over-estimated how the subtle change in my habits would impact on other people, so was secretly surprised when people said they had no idea I was expecting again. “But didn’t you notice me not eating blue cheese? I love blue cheese! I eat it all the time, it’s my thing!” I think the best reaction was from my mum: “We’re delighted of course, though it will mean more work for us…”
Whilst we found out the sex of Baby I well in advance, Peter insisted we don’t find out for Baby II; “for the novelty factor”. I have reluctantly agreed but now we’ve had both scans, I’ve missed the boat for a sneaky whisper with the nurse, so instead I’ve turned amateur penis detective; staring for hours on end at our scan to see if I can spot any hint of an “inny or an outy”. There are other clues too, it’s been a similar pregnancy to Saffy, so I’m convinced it’s a girl. Luckily, we have always gone for very gender-neutral clothing (no unicorns in this house!) so we are ready for either outcome. I might just have to learn how to stop a baby boy peeing in my face…I’m sure that’s the only difference, right?
Now the dust has settled, and we are well into the second trimester, the reality is starting to sink in. With slow DIY progression at our new house, busy jobs as lockdown thaws, uncertainty around Covid and a new phase for Saffy (tantrums galore, teething, demanding a ‘wowwi (lolly) pop’ every morning, teething, sickness, teething, broken nights and oh god when will the teething end?!?) we couldn’t help but wonder, are we ready for this?
I think the reality is, like with any child, you are just never ready for it. And I suspect we will come to realise ten years from now that the moment was right and be glad that we seized the rod while the iron was hot. But alongside the angst and panic, believe me, we are truly excited. We think we did a pretty good job with number 1, so let’s see what number 2 brings…
Top 5 concerns for me vs Peter
1. Childbirth. My first was no picnic: a 3 day party with an eight day stay in hospital afterwards. I’m pinning my hopes to the assumption that second labours are quicker and easier. Peter has already politely requested I find another birthing partner this time as he isn’t sure he has the stamina….
2. Breastfeeding (again). Part of me is so excited for this as I loved it first time round (well, mostly)- although that’s the part that has definitely conveniently forgotten the leaking breasts, sore nipples, cluster feeding and trying to express milk just to find she refuses a bottle. And breastfeeding a teething baby – ouch.
3. Divided attention. Saffy takes up so much of my time, physically and mentally. Will I be able to make room for another? How will I prevent Saffy feeling rejected when I can’t cuddle her as much (at the moment she demands cuddles fairly regularly)? My mum tells me – you just manage. So I’m going with that advice.
4. Will we ever get out of the house again? I’ve got it down to a pretty good rhythm with a toddler, and have literally no idea how I will manage a new-born and toddler who asks for a plaster every time she so much as bumps or knocks any part of her body. Luckily, Saffy is (almost) now potty trained so we will just have the one baby in nappies come Christmas.
5. How can I be more tired than this?
Peter’s top five concerns
1. There goes Christmas.
A December baby means it’s unlikely I’ll be spending too many evenings watching Elf with a big box of celebrations this year. And throwing an annual birthday on top of an already expensive time of year is going to take the edge off my mulled wine.
2. Will we need a bigger car?
We definitely will, but can we afford it? No. Do they make car seat adaptors for roof racks?
3. What if the house isn’t ready?
It definitely won’t be, but if we can at least work out how to remove whatever is causing that strange smell under the landing floor boards, then that’s one smell-maker out of the house before we bring another in.
4. How can I be more tired than this?
I cannot be more tired and yet somehow, against odds, nature and logic, I am about to be. So very, very tired. And it is this magic trick that is the real miracle of childbirth.
having baby no 2 is so different from having baby no 1!
Its the same just with 2 children more work and more love
I was really worried going from 1 to 2 but it was not nearly as bad as I feared.