When I Grow Up…
A few months ago my son started 6th form, having changed his plans a few times following the whole GCSE assessment thing. He was happy until one day he came home and announced he wanted to be a barber. I looked at him for a while wondering where this came from and thinking it was a rather specific career path in comparison to business and economics. And a little bit of me said, “Barber? Really?” As soon as the thought entered my head I scolded myself, and replied “Really, that’s interesting.” I was however really angry with myself for even questioning it.
You see, just a few weeks before I had a child leave our 5-7yr Ballet class, not because they didn’t enjoy it, or because mum didn’t think they were progressing, but because Dad believed it would ‘turn him gay’. The boy only came every other week (as Dad flatly refused to bring him on his weekend) but was showing real talent and thoroughly enjoyed it. We loved having him there and I was eager that this might encourage more boys to join a class that builds stamina, strength, discipline, posture, musicality and teamwork.
I was incredulous to think that those beliefs are still out there. There has been much made in recent years of allowing children to flourish by doing at what they enjoy – an American TV host came under fire for laughing at Prince George taking ballet lessons, Hugh Jackman has spoken about giving up dance following a comment from his older brother (it clearly didn’t hold him back!), not to mention the various films and shows that critique real life journeys of similar children; “Billy Elliot” and “Everybody’s Talking About Jamie” to name just a few.
I recently visited a WI group to sing and one lady asked me if I would advise young people to go into the performing arts. A few years ago I may have said it was a precarious life, but not this time. I love what I do, and I am grateful for the opportunity I had to do it and the range of additional skills it has given me.
At 14 I chose to do Dance and Drama at GCSE; Knutsford High School being one of the first to offer Dance and the strange decision not to put it in the Arts section meant you could do both. My parents fought against this originally, trying to get me to take Expressive Arts (a combination of arts) and Business Studies. I argued, stomped my feet and eventually got my way leading to a degree from a London theatre school. It also led my dad into a career as an award winning business advisor to various theatre and arts companies. Talk about support.
As I told the WI group, I remember sitting on the checkout at Booths Supermarket one weekend at 16 years old, and a gentleman asking me what I wanted it to do “when I grew up”. I was immediately rather perturbed as everybody knows, at 16 you are already totally grown up. An actress I said.
“Ah!” he tutted, “my cousins were both actors…one was on Z Cars, the other never did anything. Take my advice and get a proper steady job.”
Well that was it. I was going to be an actor, I thought. Of course I could get a proper job. Isn’t sitting on a till one? The pandemic proved that surely. And yet, I thought as I watched him stuff groceries into a bag, if I am still here in 20 years, you will walk through this till and not ask me that question. You’ll tut again and think, “Never tried to do anything with her life”.
After a year or more spent being told exactly what we can and can’t do by the powers that be, I thought perhaps we might have learned to accept that life is short, time is precious and our dreams can be squashed in a second, so why are we determined to do that to our kids?
Happily, the young boy continues to dance elsewhere during the week – as long as he doesn’t give up, I’m happy with that. My son, after visiting the vocational college, went back to 6th Form and continued his original studies, but my conscience is clear – he had the chance to look, and his decisions are his own. He will be whoever and whatever he chooses to be. And that will always be good enough for me.
An excellent and optimistic article.
A refreshing article. I am all too too aware of passing judgement on others dreams.This was done to as an adolescent by an english teacher who thought i showed promise with english literature and was outraged that i wanted to go into science. I’ve never wanted to do anything else i love being a scientist but reading is my favourite hobby. Now i have two little minds of my own to inspire and let them know at every opportunity they can do anything that they want but they must ensure they enjoy it because otherwise they will be miserable for a large propotion of their life.