Driven to Distraction?
The school summer holidays are over and it’s back to the family routine. For many divorced and separated parents, this means back to the school drop-off and pick-up, taking the children to swimming practice, football games and more, not to mention the midweek and weekend driving of the children to and from the ex’s house. From both a time and money perspective, this can be a point of serious disagreement, one that sometimes results in one or both parties going to court.
This involves a contested hearing with evidence and submissions from both sides about why the court should favour one parent or another. And yes, if pushed, the court will decide that the travel is shared, or not. You pay your money and you take your chance.
Because there is no hard and fast rule about any arrangements for children, the family court strives to achieve an order which it believes is in the best interests of the child by applying the welfare checklist which appears in the Children Act 1989. However, the law is discretionary, and the reality is no two families, and therefore no two cases, are alike. There is no presumption in favour of one parent or another, nor is the court obliged to instruct the parents to share the travel. In cases where parents earn roughly the same, work the same hours, and have similar access to transport and/or family members to assist, as a family solicitor one hopes that arrangements to share the travelling are agreed without need of a third party. And it is widely recognised that a child benefits emotionally from seeing both parents co-operate.
But increasingly, parents work different shift patterns; one parent may earn much more than the other or have a car when the other might not. The starting point, however difficult, is to put yourself in the other parent’s shoes, and bear in mind that sharing the travel facilitates the children having a relationship with you and the other parent. It is the child that matters, not a point of principle.
If matters cannot be agreed then consider getting legal advice about mediation, whether formally or with trusted others, and only as a last resort make an application for a Family Court. And if this is the path down which you want to go, consider too the financial and emotional cost of making an issue out of something when all else is agreed. It’s likely you’ll have to attend two, if not three, hearings, before a court would decide one way or another. An expensive exercise if you’re paying good money for a lawyer to represent you.
My advice to you is: if you can do the driving, do it. And by making that concession, you might find it helps discussions perhaps months or years later about something else on which you disagree. A good family law solicitor will always help you achieve the best possible outcome, but ultimately, if you can take the path of least resistance, then do so. One day, your children will thank you for it.
